"In every thing give thanks." (1 Thessalonians 5:18, KJV) But what if this year, you honestly can't find much to be thankful for?
November hands everyone a gratitude list. If your marriage ended this year, those lists can feel written for someone else.
Here's the good news: gratitude doesn't require pretending. You don't have to call the divorce a blessing.
Below: what the research says, three verses to hold onto, and a 30-day plan that carries you through Thanksgiving.
Key Takeaways
- Gratitude is "both/and." You can grieve what you lost and still be thankful for what's here.
- Research links gratitude journaling to a better mood and outlook, but its effect on depression and anxiety is small. It's a helpful habit, not a treatment.
- 1 Thessalonians 5:18 asks you to give thanks in every thing, not for every thing.
- One specific sentence a day is enough. On empty days, "I made it" counts.
- A gratitude jar lets your kids join in without pressure.
Both/And: Grief and Gratitude Can Share a Room
Toxic positivity asks you to hide half the truth. Honest gratitude makes room for all of it.
| Toxic positivity says | Both/and gratitude says |
|---|---|
| "Everything happens for a reason, so stop being sad." | "This hurts, and I still noticed one good thing today." |
| "At least you got out." | "I'm grateful for my peace, and I'm grieving what I hoped for." |
| "Be thankful. Other people have it worse." | "My pain is real. So is the friend who brought soup." |
You don't have to finish grieving before you're allowed to be thankful. If you need permission to feel the sadness, The Grief Nobody Gives You Permission to Feel is a good place to start.
What the Research Actually Says
One of the best-known gratitude studies comes from psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough. In their 2003 paper, "Counting Blessings Versus Burdens," people who regularly listed blessings were compared with people who listed hassles, neutral events, or nothing.
The gratitude groups did better on several measures, though not all. In one study, adults living with neuromuscular disease who kept daily lists for three weeks reported a better mood, more connection to others, and a bit more sleep.
Average nightly sleep over 3 weeks (adults with neuromuscular disease)
A review of gratitude exercises with 3,675 participants found only a small benefit for depression and anxiety symptoms compared with other activities.
The honest takeaway: gratitude can lift your outlook, but it won't fix depression on its own. If you're struggling to get through the day, please reach out to a counselor or your doctor. That isn't a lack of faith. It's wisdom.
UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center suggests going deep on one thing rather than listing many, and focusing on people over possessions. It also notes that writing once or twice a week may work better for some people than daily. So treat this calendar as a menu, not a rule.
Three Verses for a Thankful Heart
1 Thessalonians 5:18: "in," not "for"
"In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." (KJV)
Not for every thing. You aren't asked to thank God for betrayal. You're invited to look for His goodness in the middle of it.
Psalm 107:1: thanks rooted in who He is
"O give thanks unto the LORD, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever." (KJV)
Not "because life is good," but "for he is good." When your circumstances give you nothing, His character still does.
Philippians 4:6–7: thanks with your worries, not instead of them
"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." (KJV)
Thanksgiving travels with your requests. Bring the bills, the custody worries, the loneliness, and a thank-you alongside them. That's both/and, right in Scripture.
For words to pray as you go, 30 Ways to Pray for Yourself pairs well with this plan, and Close to the Brokenhearted stays with Psalm 34:18 for the heaviest days.
Free: The Emergency Budget Reset
It's hard to feel thankful when money worry is loud. These five calm money moves for your first 30 days can quiet some of the noise.
Get the Free Guide →Your 30 Days of Gratitude After Divorce
Start November 1st and Day 26 lands on Thanksgiving. Keep entries to a sentence or two, and be specific: "morning light in the kitchen" beats "my house."
| Day | Prompt |
|---|---|
| Week 1: Small Comforts | |
| 1 | Something warm: a cup of coffee, a soft blanket, a hot shower. |
| 2 | A sound you love hearing in your home right now. |
| 3 | One thing in your space that is yours and makes you smile. |
| 4 | A meal that was easy, or that someone else made. |
| 5 | Five quiet minutes, even if they happened in the car. |
| 6 | Something your body did for you today. |
| 7 | Hard day: "Today was heavy. I'm grateful I got through it." |
| Week 2: People | |
| 8 | Someone who checked on you without being asked. |
| 9 | A friend who lets you be honest. |
| 10 | Something your kids said or did that made you laugh. |
| 11 | A small kindness from a neighbor, coworker, or stranger. |
| 12 | A helper in this season: a counselor, attorney, teacher, or pastor. |
| 13 | Someone who shaped you for good. Send them a two-line thank-you text. |
| 14 | Hard day: Something you miss. Be thankful for what was good, and let yourself grieve it. |
| Week 3: Growth | |
| 15 | A hard thing you handled this year that you never imagined facing. |
| 16 | A skill you've picked up since the separation, even resetting the Wi-Fi. |
| 17 | A boundary you held, big or small. |
| 18 | Something you like about who you're becoming. |
| 19 | A decision you made on your own that turned out okay. |
| 20 | A piece of you that came back: a hobby, a laugh, a favorite song. |
| 21 | Hard day: One kind sentence to yourself, the way you'd speak to a friend. |
| Week 4: Hope & Faith | |
| 22 | A verse, song, or prayer that carried you this year. |
| 23 | A moment you sensed you weren't alone. |
| 24 | Something you're looking forward to next month. |
| 25 | A tradition you want to keep, or one you'd like to start. |
| 26 | Thanksgiving: one moment from today you want to remember. |
| 27 | A way you saw God provide, even in something small. |
| 28 | Hard day: "I can't see the whole path yet, but I'm not walking it alone." |
| 29 | One hope for the year ahead, written as if it's already on its way. |
| 30 | Read back through your entries. Circle the one that surprised you most. |
On the Days You Can't Find Anything
Some days the page stays blank. That's not failure. Try one of these:
- Write the hard thing first. One honest line about what hurts, then one line of thanks.
- Go back to the floor. "I'm still here." "The kids ate dinner." "I'm in bed." These count.
- Imagine it gone. Picture today without hot water or a working car. Gratitude often shows up in the gap.
- Borrow the words. Read Psalm 107:1 aloud and let that be today's entry.
- Skip it. Try again tomorrow. Nothing is lost.
If hard days keep winning, Self-Compassion After Divorce can help you find gentler words for yourself.
Doing It With Your Kids
A gratitude jar gives kids a simple, hopeful ritual.
- Pick any jar and keep sticky notes nearby.
- Add one slip a day at dinner or bedtime, using the weekly themes. Little ones can draw.
- Read them together on Thanksgiving, or whenever everyone's home.
Let kids include good moments from their other parent's house, and never require a "good" answer. "I'm thankful the day is over" is allowed.
Thanksgiving Week, When the Table Looks Different
Your last week lines up with what may be the hardest holiday of the year. Write your Day 26 entry first thing, before the day gets loud. If the kids are away, open the jar together when they're back.
For more, read How to Actually Enjoy Thanksgiving When Your Family Table Looks Different Now.
Gratitude won't erase what you've lost. But thirty days of noticing can remind you that good is still here, and so are you. Always forward, never backward.
Life Refined Signature Reset™
If these prompts have you wondering who you're becoming on the other side of this year, the Life Refined Signature Reset™ helps you rebuild your identity, your values, and a life that truly fits you. It's a guided next step from getting through to becoming.
Explore the Life Refined Signature Reset™ →Frequently Asked Questions
How do I feel grateful after a divorce I didn't want?
Start small and specific. Don't force gratitude for the divorce. Notice one good thing inside your day, beside your grief.
Does a gratitude journal really work?
Studies link it to a better mood and outlook, but its effect on depression and anxiety is small. It's a supportive habit, not a treatment.
What does 1 Thessalonians 5:18 mean?
It invites thanksgiving in every circumstance, not for every circumstance.
What if I can't think of anything to be grateful for?
Write the hard thing first, then the smallest true thing: "I'm still here." Or read Psalm 107:1 aloud as your entry.
How can I teach my kids gratitude after divorce?
Try a gratitude jar: one slip a day each, read together at month's end, with no "right" answers required.
This article is for education and encouragement only, not medical or therapy advice. If you are struggling with depression or thoughts of self-harm, contact a licensed professional or call or text 988. If you are in danger, call 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.